Today's post is about temper meltdowns (emotional outbursts).
This post will be set out in different chapters, as I've said in previous autism posts, this is hard for me to explain, so I've had help from school friends and family for some parts.
School - What I Remember
Because of years of bullying for being "different" I lashed out, most notably was my anger, anything would set me off and it wasn't very pretty to experience. I screamed, kicked, threw things, swore, used threatening behavior and i walked out of lessons a lot and even on a few occasions I would walk home.
As far back as I can remember I have always cried when I didn't want to do anything, as I got older it became worse, crying was a sign of weakness. From peer pressure I threatened a pupil with a knife then got suspended for it. Even after that happened I was known for throwing tables and chairs in anger and even kicking and punching walls and doors.
School Friends
I recently got in contact with people I went to school with and asked them what meltdown they saw.
Jessica - "In music, they asked you to play some notes on the keyboard and you played only one then stormed out crying".
Louise - "I just remember you telling everyone that you had a list of people that you were going to hurt or kill and saying you carried a knife with you".
Jamie - "I only remember the time in English when you flipped the table".
April - "I remember sometimes, you would just go off on one in some classes like math, sometimes at lunchtime you would walk away from everyone in a mood".
Steph - "I just remember if you had to do something on your own, you would opt out, i remember you being upset all the time".
Family
Mum - Walked off in shops. On holiday - always had to go somewhere i could eat at and even after eating i didn't want to stay out, would rather go back to the apartment. I would always push my grandad away when he wanted a kiss from me.
This next section will be about my triggers and how I solve them.
Triggers
If I want to achieve somethings and it doesn't go to plan then I get anxious.
Large groups of people (even family) - I get anxious and leave the room.
My sister teasing me - once threw a full can of coke at her head.
Arguments with my dad.
Being touched.
Being embarrassed.
Solutions
Talking to my mum.
Walking away.
Crying.
Sleeping.
Music.
Breathing exercises.
How I Feel Afterwards
Embarrassed.
Fear of being laughed at.
Fear of losing someone for what I did.
Confused.
I have recently found a blog that I have taken some information off for this subject, you can find that blog here
Information
Prone to temper or crying meltdowns, even in public, sometimes over small things due to sensory or emotional overload.
Powerless.
Flight or fight.
Overstimulated.
It's not an emotional outburst or behavior issue, it is a physiological occurrence that must run its course.
If interrupted, it will likely start all over again in a few minutes.
It feels like a rubber band pulled to the snapping point.
What I don't want to hear: it's okay, you need to pull yourself together, everything will be fine.
Meltdowns are necessary, cleansing, an emotional purge, a neurological reboot.
Information for Family & Friends
Let them rant, cry, do whatever form the meltdown takes.
Stay calm, say little, remind the person that you care, either give them there space or going for a walk can help. It is not a personal attack.
What I need: space, time, absence of judgement.
Please don't ask me if I want to talk about it.
Will comforting me help? No!
Would I like a hug? No!
Can you do anything to make me feel better? Probably not!
Please don't touch me.
If it makes you feel uncomfortable seeing me curled up in a ball then remove yourself from the situation.
Patience!!!!
They are inevitable!
I hope this post has helped in any way.
Love, Emma xxx
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