Update

Hello Everyone 😊

Feel like I've let you all down again, I promised I would go back to blogging more and I haven't, I know I make excuses all the time and I'm sorry. But when you don't have anything to blog about then I can't force myself. 

If you don't follow me on Twitter then you wouldn't of known that I had a health issue. On Thursday morning I was just playing on my laptop, it was about 1am and I felt a sharp pain in my stomach so I went the toilet. After coming back down, I decided maybe it was time to go to bed, as I lay down the pain intensified, I've never felt pain like it. I wobbled up the stairs and cried help for my mum, she called 101 and I managed to speak to the lady, she told me to take 2 paracetamol then called an ambulance. 

The pain was weird, I had it in my boobs, stomach and back, I also felt sick and I was burning up. The only way to describe it is that if someone had wrapped a belt round my waist and kept pulling harder over and over again. Lying down worsened it. So breathing through it was my only option.

By the time the ambulance arrived, I had took the paracetamol and the pain started to ease. 

The paramedics came at about 2.30am, they were very nice. I had my blood pressure and blood sugar taken, also an ECG which were all clear. It got to 3am and the pain had almost gone, after doing the paperwork, they left. I crashed out about 4am, ended up waking up at 7am though. 

I felt fine, no pain, just tiredness. 

My mum got me an appointment at the doctors for 11am and she came with me. The doctor was very nice, she checked me over and said that there's nothing much we can do as the pain passed with paracetamol but she did say, if it were to happen again then to go back for blood tests to be checked for IBS. 

6 days prior to this happening, I had the pain but managed to breathe through it and put it down to wind. Except I've never felt or had wind pain like that before. So, its a bit weird!

After that excitement, nothing much has happened. I did forget to write a post on the 5th June as it was my 6 year blogiversary. But wow, 6 years and I'm still sort of committed to it. I love you all though for still sticking with me and my terrible none existent schedule. 

As for my healthy eating, I am still kind of doing it, still sticking with my smoothies in the morning and I love being able to drink milkshake, especially when its dairy free. Alpro is the best! 

On Saturday it was weigh day and I haven't gained or lost any more weight but I do need to start walking again, I have no excuses there besides I'm lazy.

Til next time, 

Love, Emma xxx

Update

Hello Everyone 😊

It's been about a week or so since my last post and I've lost another 5lbs. I think I can feel it, my stomach does feel and look a lot flatter since I started. But I do have a long way to go. I do post pictures of what I'm eating on Instagram, i'm mostly eating and drinking everything in my last post, haven't found any new recipes yet but I don't mind.
At the start of last week, I had my period and ended up having a Chinese takeaway and a pizza, well, I was very ill the day after so never again.

Regarding my mental health?
I know by now, I'm meant to have energy but I don't. I've been still feeling tired when it hits certain times in the day, depending on how long I've slept for.
I haven't been getting out as much as I should, the weather here in the UK, has been crap, I have been out on the weekends, that's the only time when my family are free, its hard to push myself to go out by myself, as much as I love my alone time, it really sucks sometimes and I just want someone to talk too.
My other problem about going out is what to wear, I hate my body and having to wear clothes suitable for warm weather is a pain. I don't like showing too much skin but I get very hot if I cover up.
If the weather is as nice today, tomorrow then I will make myself go out for a stroll, might take my sister if she's up for it.

Back to my "diet"!
I now have something to aim for, my dad might take me on holiday in August and I'm so excited if he does, it would only be Spain but its still a holiday. And I'd love to be skinny enough to wear dresses and bikinis and feel good in my body 😊

If you have been following me on Instagram then you would of noticed my planner appearing in my pictures.
I found this planner on Hobbycraft for only £15 and I love it, there's so much space and its undated which is perfect. Might end up buying another one if I fill this one up.

I just need to start drinking more water 😊

Til next time.

Love, Emma xxx

Update

Hello Everyone 😊

Wow, it's been a while since I have written properly on here. My motivation is lacking, basically, it's in the shit bin! (This might not make sense, just writing what I feel)
I have always tried to be as "frank" as possible on here, lying gets you nowhere in life. This blog is an expression of my life, this might sound stupid as hell, but I love this blog, I love writing about anything. I check my views multiple times during the day, every day, seeing what people have been reading and hopefully enjoying what I write.
So to be as real as possible, I will tell you the realness with my mental health. If you know me, then you know I'm a negative person, always have been, I'm my worst critic. Having depression + autism + negativity is the worst. My brain is constantly on, it never shuts off when I sleep, everything is heightened, I can't relax at all, the slightest thing can piss me off, now add that to depression, every day I wake up, wishing I didn't, would I be better off dead, is there any point in living a life going no where, why do I want to live in a world that is going to shit. My problem; couldn't kill myself if I tried, I'm afraid of death, leaving this world in pain, terrifies me, what happens to my family, my cats, my possessions, what happens to my blog and my social media, its stupid to think about, but in this day and age, its all we think about really.
When you read this, you'll probably think I need help. But I don't really, I'm not going to kill myself, I have lived with this feeling all my life and 26 years later, I am still here.
Yes, sometimes, I need to vent, usually twitter and instagram get the worst of it.
But, I know, my problems are not as worse as some people have it, I'm not dying of an incurable disease, I have not been raped, attacked or been put in a life and death situation.
My life now, is nothing. I do nothing, every day life is the same, I go to sleep, I wake, watch tv, play games, sleep more, eat. That's it! Most of my time is spent alone, I rarely go out and when I do, I'm with my family.
I live off my benefits and do nothing to support my mum at home because I am lazy and selfish.
I wish I wasn't negative all the time, but shit happens.
I try to be happy when I'm not but no one never knows as I don't show it.
I didn't want my blog to go down this route of being negative and depressive, But I can't shy away from what I'm feeling, in my mind, I am still that immature 16 year old who doesn't want to grow up. I don't feel like an adult, even though I do have bills to pay. I don't want to get older, I want to keep playing the sims and watching Barbie films forever. I refuse to grow up for anyone.
I hope this post hasn't angered anyone, feel free to private message me on Twitter

I'm hoping to be happier soon, I bought some sports clothes, I'm fat and its getting harder to walk, so I'm determined to lose weight by walking everyday. I did hear somewhere that exercise is good for depression, lets hope so.

Also hoping to produce more content this month too. Get my blog back to normal again and maybe less depressive posts in the future.

Love, Emma xxx

Update

Hello Everyone 😊

It has been a while since I last updated you. The reason I haven't posted more is because I have no motivation to do so, I don't go out, so I don't have anything to write about, I'm sorry.

Lets start with me: I was referred by the dentist in December to go have sedation, I still haven't heard anything back, so I will have to ring them about that.
My mental state seems to be lower this year, I don't want to do anything and when I do, I don't have anyone with me. The loneliness seems to be getting to me more, sometimes it's not a problem as I do enjoy being by myself but when you do the same thing everyday and you don't leave the house, it does get a bit too much, so I have been sleeping more than usual. I have joined a mental health support group online so when I am feeling at my worst, I can write it on there without being judged and have support from other people going through the same thing.
Also the blogging world has been distant for me, I haven't been to any events and it's really getting to me, I want to see my friends, I want to be happy but I can't force myself to do so.
It's currently sunny in the UK, and it should be lifting my mood but it hasn't and then that makes me sad.

My sister had a sad time in February, baby Jax died and it broke all of us. I've never found a pet dead before and it ripped my heart out. He will be missed.

My mum buried him in the garden and my sister bought a willow tree for him, the fluffiness of the tree reminded her of baby pigs fur.
On Monday my mum and sister went food shopping, they were taking forever, now I know why:

Meet Roman, he's so tiny and I have been cuddling his as much as possible. We introduced him to the other two last night, he was really excited and kept humping them both. They've now been separated but will put them all together when he's a bit bigger.

I have more pictures on Instagram, you can follow me Here

I'm hoping to up my blogging game this year, need to get some motivation if I want to become a full time blogger.
I want to be able to branch out in different areas too, get back in to photography is a must and doing haul posts. Want to get back into doing nail art again, currently trying to grow my nails long but there not a bad length now, just need a bit of care and polish.
Want to collaborate with brands as well. I love doing review posts, keeps me busy.

My dad kindly bought me a 3 pack of craft mats, so I can start using my distress inks and learn to blend. I still love creating things and I have still been making cards for family and friends. I want to do more, maybe in the future, I will sell them.
I'm trying to perfect my technique, I love my zig clean colour brushes and have started using water with them. Still trying to find a cheaper alternative to them though, as I do love the feel of the real brush and to be able to blend colours without any bleeding.
These are some of the cards I've made recently:

The last two were rushed.

This year we've had an Avon lady, I love Avon products and a few months back she gave me a sample of a new perfume and I loved it, i used the whole thing, so I bought the perfume and got a free gift with it:

Viva La Vita with a nail polish in Lilac love, body lotion, and a day and night cream (not pictured)

I also managed to get my hands on a Dot Creates blogger box, its a must buy for anyone 😊

The planner is undated with is amazing, so you can use it whenever you like, you also get a blog planner pad, 2 large quote prints, 2 small quote prints, a set of 4 quoted pencils and some stickers. Can't wait to start using everything.

I have had my eye on this for a while and I've always wanted one, since I've stopped smoking (3 years ago) I get nervous and my hands want to do something, so instead of being glued to my phone, I bought a fidget cube:

Best thing I have ever bought, keeps my fingers busy and has a different "toy" on each side, I even fell asleep with it in my hand yesterday from playing with it. It calms me down when I'm anxious and keeps me busy.

I think that's it for today, Hope this post wasn't too long for you all.

I'm mostly active on Twitter so if you want you can follow me on there too 😊

See you soon,

Love, Emma xxx