Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Bullying

In my last entry i explained how i was bullied.

And now im going to talk about being bullied and dealing with being bullied.

I've been bullied all my life, glad its stopped now though and people can see the real me. I was bullied because i was different, i was classed as "weird".

I was the shy one, never really spoke to anyone but my closest friends and they never helped me through it anyway (some did, but i cant remember who).
As it got worse in secondary school, i got depressed about it, i had hit the low of it. I used to write stories of death, looked at pictures of blood and suicide and at one point in my life, i cut myself. Those 7 years of my life ruined me. I saw psychologists all the time for it, people started getting scared of me, they would avoid me in school, i felt powerful but at the same time i was very lonely, no one to talk too, no one to make me happy and stop thinking bad things.
At one point, i wanted to end my life, i couldn't take it. Friends became distant and my family didn't know what to say or do about it, i didn't want help, i just wanted to die. Most nights i would cry myself to sleep, just for the pain to go away, but i was too scared to end my own life, but always thought whether anyone would miss me or not. Would anyone realise i wasn't there any more, did anyone even care!

I never cut my wrists because they were always on show, so i cut my leg instead. One stage when i was at my worst, i cut far too deep, yes the release of pressure had gone but the scar that still remains to this day, haunts me and i don't think i can do anything like that again.

I don't know what changed, maybe when i realised i couldn't do this any more or maybe when i realised that my friend was doing it over a boy. But i stopped! I'm actually scared of anything sharp, but i cant just go my life without not touching a knife, so i have to be brave and think to myself that i have control and im not going to do anything stupid. I got the help i needed and made new friends. I could never bring myself to do anything like that again, life isn't that bad now so i don't worry as much, and i haven't been depressed since i was 16, so really ive achieved something =]

Being bullied isn't nice and for all of you out there, there is help for you! You will pull through this, you just have to be strong and fight back, be the better person =]

I'm happier now than ive ever been in my life, i have a wonderful fiancĂ© that i love, an absolutely amazing family and soon il be going back to college to study something i love.

Hope this has helped =] will write soon, emyii xxx
Thank you for visiting my blog, feel free to follow and comment, Emma xxx